Rules of being a guy

sex stories

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach… and it's delivered by a topless supermodel… and it's free.

12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem — you didn't see nothin'.

14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?
18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone, hang up if necessary.

20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.

story by: Shadow Dragon



Tags: sex joke sex story

Author: Shadow Dragon



Related sex stories:

  • Vacation fun mmf fun away from home

    We agree to get away to some place warm for a few days of fun ;) The hotel we find is more like a resort, they have a spa, golf course etc... Their bar has everything, pool tables, dart boards, a band in the corner. We're in the bar when I realize I left my wallet in our room, I leave to go get it, between the walk across the hotel, the elevator up and back and walking across the...

  • The backseat adventure

    I had always told my wife of my desire to keep our sex life exciting. I would go to swingers sites and talk to people but couldn't get her to join me. We have a great sex life and I do everything I can to keep it that way. I was talking to a single guy, Mike, and telling him how we just started and she was very shy and not sure if she was ready to try swinging. After...

  • Anal sex story

    I felt my whole nervous system ignite and tingles slammed through my body as the cum spurted out of my cock deep inside Diane’s sweet ass. She came again as she felt the hot lava of cum fill the deep ending of her well-fucked ass. It was my turn to host our mates’ card night. Once a month we got together ordered pizza wine and beer and hung out and watched the game played cards and had a good boys...

  • Sometimes a girl has to take things into her own hands

    I turned and looked in the mirrors. I saw me, pleasing these two guys. Me, Marie riding and sucking, giving pleasure, and receiving more in return. I came so hard that I couldn’t ride as the orgasm was too strong. Lee started to fuck me from underneath as Anton continued to fuck my mouth and rub his cock on my face. For over 12 months Brad had told me he would arrange for a 2-guys-and-me threesome.  Which was in return for...

  • Our car problems

    So ivonne is cute brunette with curly hair 5'6 125 34c a petite figure. beautiful tits she had these perfect perky nipples. she always has had this fantasy about seducing guys by wearing extremely revealing clothing and would often have a nip slip intentionally. I usually dont mind her doing it either its soo sexy the way she does it. So it was just another day we decided to go out and ivonne was wearing this extremely revealing spaghetti strap...

Sick wife with friends

Setting up my wife

Torture at the Swimming Pool

Our 1st mmf

The First Time Doesn’t Have to Be the Last

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.